Sexual Sanity Series
A Note From Pastor Eric
Dear church family,
In the coming weeks we are going to be teaching through Ephesians 5:3-14, which has a considerable amount of material on sexual immorality. Since this is God’s Word for us, we must not neglect it. Neglect of God’s instructions regarding human sexuality are exactly what has gotten us into the mess our world is in today. We need more, not less, clear teaching about God’s design for sex. Sex is God’s idea, and it’s a good one, and we must not be ashamed of it.
That said, if you’re a parent, I want to prepare you well for the opportunity you’ll have with your children. The themes we’ll be covering may introduce ideas to your child they’ve never thought of before. My goal will be to avoid anything lewd, gross, or inappropriately detailed, and to treat the subject with the reverence and delicacy it demands. My own children will be listening to me preach, and so I hope to preach in such a way so as to instruct them, but not cause them to stumble.
This email is not a warning. I’m not suggesting that you keep your children out of church for the next month. We must never censor God’s word. Rather, I hope this email encourages parents - and fathers in particular - to think about what it will look like to lead your family in this urgently needed discussion. Here are some tips for parents of various ages:
For Parents of Little Ones
Since your children are in the nursery (and cannot understand anything I say!), you won’t need to worry about explaining things to them. But can I encourage you to start game-planning for how you would talk to your child if he or she were, say, 8 years old and taking notes?
For Parents of Young Children (5-10)
Christian truths related to marriage and sexuality are important for even young children to begin grasping. Untaught boys and girls make unprepared men and women. In this hour, we need to prepare our children now. When teaching our children, we must never sacrifice truth. We must be ready to adjust the depth and application of the truth, but steadfast in never compromising it.
Pastor Josh Mulvihill talks about the ABCs of talking to your children about marriage and sex. I’ll leave them here to encourage you:
A - Accurate. “As you discuss matters of purity, marriage, and dating with your child, be accurate, be honest, and tell the truth. Call body parts by their correct names, share the truth with the child if he or she walks in on Mom and Dad during an intimate moment, and be honest with answers as questions arise. As much as possible, point a child to a Scripture passage so the child knows that truth and authority come from God, not from personal opinion.”
B - Brief. “When people take a thousand words to say what they could say in a hundred, what happens to your attention…?” Parents, learn to concisely speak the truth about marriage to your children in brief, age-appropriate ways.
C - Correct Foundation. When talking to children about marriage, don’t primarily point to your marriage as the authoritative source, point to Scripture. Always go back to the right foundation.
D - Discussion Oriented. “Use questions to engage them in discussion, encourage their participation, and test their understanding…The only way to know what your child thinks, believes, questions, and desires is to give him or her the space and time to talk.”
E - Early and Often. “Don’t think you can have a one-and-done microwave conversation with your child on this type of subject and move on; this is not a successful approach to lifelong transformation.” Start early, be simple, and speak in generalities. The conversation will mature as the children get older.
F - First (and Loudest). “Our goal is to teach our children biblical truth before they hear the world’s lie.” The world is always catechizing our children. Don’t leave them having to ask Google these important questions.
For Older Children
At some point in the series, we will likely address topics such as pornography, masturbation, dating, and the age-old, “how-far-is-too-far” question. This may open up doors for parents to have important conversations with their older children. Don’t let awkwardness prevent these important conversations. One “awkward” conversation may prevent a lot of regret and pain, and certainly mature Christians must learn not to be controlled by what may be perceived as “awkward.” It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.
Please Pray
Church, looking around at the sexual insanity of our world, we cannot retreat from tackling these issues head on. And we must proclaim boldly the beauty and goodness of God’s design for human sexuality. Our children must learn this at some point, and it is our God-given responsibility as parents, with the help of our church family, to be the ones who shape and instruct our children’s minds in this matter.
So I write to you not only as your pastor, but as a fellow parent. In the coming weeks, I want to encourage you to 1) Pray for the Lord to bring much fruit, and 2) Prepare with your spouse how you might use this series to help prepare your children for marriage.
For Christ and his church,
Pastor Eric
