How to Initiate Discipling Relationships
The Grace Rancho Affirmation of Commitment is a document written to guide us as church members to live in a way that honors our Lord Jesus Christ. These 10 commitments can be found on the third page of our Membership Directory. Affirmation #4 is this: “We affirm our commitment to making disciples, starting with whomever God has placed within our care, raising them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We will seek the salvation of our family and friends.”
Let’s face it, this is not easy for many of us. It means we have to get out of our comfort zone and make this a priority. But we can easily come up with excuses as to why we cannot or do not want to do this. Ed Welch writes, “Make no mistake: to move toward others is hard. It is good to move toward others, but it is not easy.” (Side by Side, p. 74)
But let me encourage you; there are so many blessings from being in the lives of others. You will never regret getting to know, care for, and disciple others. The Apostle Paul said it so well in Phil. 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more import ant. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” And is not this what our Savior did when He started His public ministry? He came not to be served but to serve.
If we want to be more like Christ and fulfill our commitment to our Grace Rancho affirmation, we must be willing to get out of our comfort zone and make the effort to pursue people for the purpose of discipleship that glorifies God. Paul Tripp wrote this: “God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things in the lives of others.” Let’s be honest. It is easy to think, “I am an introvert. I could never do that.” But God calls all of us to make disciples, and He has given us the resources. As a Christian you have the Holy Spirit living within you. You have God’s inerrant, infallible Word of God that gives you the truth to share, and you have Jesus who is 27 interceding for you at the throne of grace. Here are some ideas to start with:
Begin with Prayer
Paul writes to the Thessalonian church in 5:16: “PRAY without ceasing.” Be specific in your prayers. One prayer might be to ask God to give you the desire to pursue others for the purpose of friendship and discipleship. Another prayer might be to ask God for the courage to approach someone. You may or may not know them well. Ask a friend in church to pray these requests with you and for you.
Be Purposeful
Plan to pursue people. You can even start this process on Sunday mornings by looking for new people or people who may not be new but you have not yet met. You must be purposeful in this. Since you have prayed for God to lead you, pray on Sunday morning for God’s wisdom on where to sit as you come into church. Come with a desire to meet people and greet them with a smile and a warm welcome. Do not just sit in your comfortable seat with your good friends. Look carefully, it is easy to see new people whether it is a single person or a family.
Another situation, that could lead to a discipleship relationship, may be that you see someone you know well who seems troubled or struggling.
Be Friendly
Greet them and take time to ask them a few questions about themselves. “Is this your first time here? I am so glad you came.” “May I sit with you? How did you hear about Grace Rancho? Perhaps even introduce them to some other Grace attendees. Write down their names on your bulletin so you do not forget them. Even ask for their phone number/email so you can text them with a follow-up encouraging message. You can also give a staff member their email address so the church can send them the weekly service information. Provide them with your phone number so they can call or text you with any questions they may have. Make sure the person has a bulletin for the morning service. These are just friendly, caring actions to make others feel welcome. Through out the week, think of questions you might want to ask next Sunday. This start may lead to deeper conversations especially if you ask them to join you for a cup of coffee or lunch with your family.
Ask Helpful Questions
At this point, it may feel like you are being nosy or invasive with your questions but these types of questions can be a starting point in your having a discipleship relationship. Some examples might be: “Tell me about your family” and “I would love to hear your testimony when you repented and believed in the gospel.” “How often do you read your Bible?” Tell me about your marriage. “How may I pray for you?” “What is the hardest challenge you are dealing with?” “Is this something you are praying about?” “How often do you pray with your family?” “Have you ever been in a discipleship relationship with another person?” “Is that something that would interest you?” “Would you be interested in reading a book together, working through Equipping Matters, or just starting a friendship and getting to know each other?”
Show Them You Care
• Give of yourself – even when you don’t feel like it
• Show you care by following up with what they have told you about what is going on in their lives
• Pray with them and for them
• Tell them you love them and care for them
• Tell them how thankful you are God has given you this special relationship
• Listen and be attentive
Francis Schaeffer said: “If I only have one hour with someone, I will spend the first 55 minutes asking questions and finding out what is troubling their heart and mind, and then in the last 5 minutes I will share something of the truth.”
Remember Your Mission!
Jesus made it very clear in Matthew 28. We are to go into all the world to make disciples. A great place to start is in your church, in your family, or at your work. Some friends may approach you wanting to be discipled by you, but mostly you will be the person who is pursuing. We are all sinners and all of us are needy. So do not be deterred. Keep pursuing and be intentional. God will lead you if you are praying.
