Dinner as Discipleship: Using Everyday Moments to Disciple Our Kids
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Both the Old and New Testament command parents to dis- ciple their children. Sometimes, that process can be formal (certain day, certain time, specific topic, etc.), but most often, discipleship will be informal. As Deuteronomy 6 describes, it’s happening in the course of the normal events of life. Meals are a fantastic way to accomplish this. Everyone has to eat. Why not make it a point to redeem the time? What are some ways to be- gin using family meals as unique opportunities for discipleship?
Pursue the Lord Privately
Don’t miss the order of instruction in Deut. 6:5-7. “You shall love the Lord your God ... these words shall be on your heart ... You shall teach diligently to your children.” You can’t give what you don’t have. Said another way, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Fill your soul with Jesus so that you always have something to give to your children.
Prioritize Family Meals Together
When the kids are little and parents control all aspects of the schedule, it’s pretty straightforward. But as children get older and add sports, jobs, friends, and other activities to the mix, this becomes an increasing challenge. In those circumstances, don’t be passive. Do whatever you can to coordinate calendars to se- cure certain meals together throughout the week. Additionally, prayerfully consider if non-essential activities outside the home could be trimmed or eliminated to ensure family meals are a consistent priority. (Susie may not need ballet, jiu-jitsu, and macramé lessons all at once).
Be Intentional
I’m a big believer (based on lots of experience) that mealtime entropy is one of the laws of the universe. Without some exte- rior force, family meals will descend into chaos and disorder. (For you math types, the formula is: δqrev/T = ΔS) At times, there is no stopping that train. But more often, dads and moms, you can have a significant influence on the tone and the quality of the conversation as you intentionally guide the discussion. This means you’ll need to think ahead of time about what you’d like to accomplish and then commit to make it happen.
Be Flexible
While it’s important to use meals as an opportunity for disci- pleship, don’t be legalistic. Free-flowing conversations around the table are a gift from God. They create memorable moments and lots of laughter. Further, there are meals where the goal should be reduced to each family member consuming the re- quired amount of food to remain alive for a little while longer. If you’re unwilling to adjust expectations or hold your agenda loosely, you’ll be angry and impatient and a walking contradic- tion of the truths you’re seeking to communicate to your family!
With those principles in mind, here are a few practical ideas for making the most of your mealtimes together as a family:
Read the Bible. Start reading through a book of the Bible a few verses or a chapter at a time. Ask a few questions to get your family thinking about what the text means and how it should be applied. On Saturday evenings, read the text for the next morning’s sermon and/or the Sunday school lesson in order to get a running start for church.
Pray. Your children don’t come out of the womb knowing how to pray. Use mealtimes as a discipling opportunity to teach them to pray. Pray through the membership direc- tory. Pray for specific needs in your own lives. Confess sin. Adore the Lord for the truths you’ve read about in your Scripture passage. Thank Him for specific answers to prayers, various blessings, and even trials that He uses for His glory and your good.
Ask a Good Question. This is a fun one with a lot of differ- ent options. A couple of my favorites are “What are you thankful for in the last couple of weeks?”, and “What was encouraging from the most recent church service?”
Memorize Scripture. Pick a verse or a passage of Scripture to memorize as a family. If you’re not sure where to start, there are all sorts of resources online, including www. fighterverses.com.
Review Articles. Read and discuss a good article. It could be from the Grace Rancho newsletter or another trusted resource that provides good food for thought and exhor- tation from God’s Word. On occasion, you may want to broaden this approach and read articles about current events in order to help interpret news from a Christian worldview.
Share a Book Report. If a child or parent has recently finished a good book, provide an opportunity to share the plot, what they learned, what they enjoyed (or didn’t), and if they’d recommend it to other family members.
These are just a few of my ideas and I’m sure you can come up with others as you ask God for wisdom and seek to redeem the time around the table. In closing, don’t forget to do your best every day and simultaneously rest in the sovereign grace of God. Be encouraged by this quote from C.J. Mahaney on being a fa- ther to his son, Chad:
“I am not an expert on fathering. Daily I am reminded of my weakness and sin, and I often need to ask for my son’s for- giveness. I am a fellow sinner and address all fathers from that perspective. And ultimately my confidence is not in my father- ing skill or these practices. My confidence is in God’s grace and His eagerness to reveal the gospel of grace to my son. Left to my- self, I am in way over my head as a father. But God hasn’t left me to myself. He has called me to this holy task. He has given Chad to me as a gift and a holy assignment. Chad needs to be trained and I need to be sanctified. And God has promised to do both by His grace and for His glory.
