God’s Plan for Parents
For roughly three decades the Chinese government has been mandating a one-child policy. Parents are only allowed one kid. After that, there are penalties. Consequently, the fertility rate - the average number of children a woman will have over the course of her life - among Chinese women is 1.54. Surprisingly, American’s fertility rate is 1.6 - barely higher than theirs. Apparently, we’ve invented our very own one-child policy.
In the 1960s, America’s fertility rate was close to 4, indicating that families today are not as willing to have large families as they have previously been. The follow-your-heart, achieve-your- dreams, find yourself lifestyle our culture has been preaching for so many decades doesn’t jive with expensive, time-consum- ing toddlers.
And we’ve all heard the stories. The dad who will do anything to get out of the house. The mom who complains about them all the time. The looks a parent gets when out with two kids or more. And the one I’ve heard the most: “You have four kids? I can hardly stand the one I have.”
If the statistics and anecdotes are right, they point to a sad reality. Children aren’t valued and parents do not embrace the calling God has given them. This is more than unfortunate - it is devastating. If the church imbibes the worldview of the culture at this point, it will rot from the inside out. We must recapture God’s plans for parents. So here are several points that will begin rounding out our understanding of biblical parenting.
Parents That Picture the Gospel
Before you’re a parent, you’re a spouse. God’s design is that children are raised by a man and a woman who have covenanted together in “till death do us part” marriage. This is the ecosys- tem in which healthy children grow.
One of the most important passages about the family is found in Ephesians 5:22-33, and one of the most foundational princi- ples taught in that passage is found in verse 32. After describing how a man and a wife leave their parents and come together as one, Paul writes, “This mystery is profound, and I am say- ing that it [marriage] refers to Christ and the church.” What does that mean? It means that marriage was invented by God to point to a greater spiritual reality: the reality of Christ’s love for the church.
Parents, start here. Work on your marriage. Fathers: the great- est gift you can give your children is a picture of glad, humble, sacrificial, gentle, strong Christ-like love toward your children’s mother. And a mother’s delight in her husband, respect for him, and submission to his leadership is valuable beyond all riches. This is the inheritance your children - and grandchildren - need passed on.
Parents That Delight in Their Children
Christian parents: want to shine a light in this dark world?
Delight in your children. Enjoy them, and say so.
The world says that children are expensive, time-consuming, loud - and often smelly - burdens. God’s Word says, “Behold, chil- dren are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them” (Ps. 127:3-5).
God opens and closes the womb. Every child to have ever been born has been a good gift from the Father. They are not white elephant gifts, or gag gifts, or gifts you can return. These are thoughtfully planned, perfectly designed, and inherently good gifts.
Yes, parenting is difficult. But choose to love it. See the beau- ty in it. Enjoy it. Give thanks a lot. Laugh with your children. Do fun things together. Make memories. And embrace the hard stuff as God’s sanctifying grace.
Parents That Express Love
Parents can learn to parent by observing what God is like. We’ll explore this more in another article. Briefly, let’s reflect on some basic realities.
First, God knows us. This is intimate knowledge. It’s atten- tive. It’s there. God doesn’t need to learn about us, but we need to be diligent learners of our children. We, more than anyone else, are the ones who should learn their desires, inclinations, struggles, hopes, dreams, and fears.
Second, God promises his presence to us. He will never leave us nor forsake us (Heb. 13:5). He leads us by still waters and walks with us through shadowy valleys. He doesn’t work all the time and miss our ball games. He values moments. He’s there.
Third, he wants us to know him and his world, and so he speaks. This is why we call Scripture revelation. God reveals himself to us. He reveals the truth to us. His words are constant- ly making sense of the world. His words give us a framework for interpreting our experience. This is precisely what parents are called to do.
And lastly, he constantly reveals his love for his children. Read the Scriptures and see how frequently we are reminded of the never-ending, unstoppable, boundless, measureless love God has for his own (Eph. 3:18-19). Parenting is a presence that expresses love.
Know your children. Spend quality and quantity time with them, as you do, use your voice to make sense of the world and repeatedly remind them of your never-ending love.
Parents That Teach Their Children
John Younts wrote a parenting book called Everyday Talk: Talking Freely and Naturally About God With Your Children. The title summarizes what I think is God’s strategy for parenting. He gets it from Deuteronomy 6:4-9:
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your chil- dren, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as front- lets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
This text says nothing about planned Bible study, family devo- tions, or even Sunday school. These things are great, but they’re no substitute for God’s way: Word-filled parents who love the Lord their God with all their hearts and talk about him all the time.
The culture will not cease trying to teach your children. Par- ents must have a steady, consistent, and reliable voice that brings God’s truth to bear on the mundane activities of life. Every day can teach a thousand lessons.
Parents That Rest in Grace
It seems parenting has gotten far more complicated these days. Every friend has an opinion about how sleep schedules should work. Every mommy blog knows the perfect diet for a toddler. Parents are tempted to compare their children with the neighbor’s Instagram highlight reel. Should babies cry it out? Should mothers breastfeed? Should toddlers be allowed to watch Teletubbies? I think too many parents wear themselves out and drive themselves crazy trying to get all the particulars just right.
I think the best parents get the big things right. They love the Lord with all their heart. They take their children to church without fail. They read their Bibles, pray with their children, and work hard. They don’t cheat, they don’t get drunk, they don’t chase riches. They’re consistent in discipline and hospitable with guests. And they’re not panicking about whether that bowl of Lucky Charms had too much sugar in it (hint: it did).
Let’s not overcomplicate parenting. By grace, build a strong marriage, love your kids, talk about Scripture with them, bring them to church, pray a lot, and then rest in God’s grace
Conclusion
Parenting is a glorious, difficult, exhausting, complex, re- warding, and overwhelming task. That’s how God designed it to be. God puts eternal souls in our care - a calling so weighty we must turn to divine grace again and again. Carrying this weight brings us often to our knees, where we should have been all along. In all of it, God is at work in us and in our children. Let usembrace the journey together.
