Learning to Be a Parent: How I’m Working to Grow Into the Role

When my wife and I decided to try having kids we talked about a lot of details: when would be an opportune time to have a child, where we would be living at that time, how we would afford children, and so much more. But there’s one question we didn’t give much attention: “how are we going to parent our kids?” Perhaps this reveals our naivety and lack of forethought, but my bet is that most young parents find themselves in our situation: chasing an ever stubborn toddler around trying to figure out the when, why, and how of the many facets of parenting as we go along. While we are learning much along the way, and I am no expert, here are some areas we are trying to honor the Lord and be intentional in while learning to be God-honoring parents who raise children that fear the Lord.

Priority

Shortly after moving to Grace Rancho in June 2018 we found out we were pregnant with our first child, Ezra. Pastor Eric and Ashley were some of the first people we told. In our conversa- tions then and now Eric has made one thing about parenting abundantly clear: what our kids need most is godly parents. That is the priority. If our lives are not devoted to God’s Word, rooted in prayer, and modeling godliness to our children then nothing we try to do as parents holds any true weight. We must be committed to growing in godliness if we are to be useful parents. We are trying, albeit imperfectly, to prioritize spirit-empowered growth in godliness as we begin raising our children. Lord willing, they will learn to serve the Lord in their lives by watching ours.

Prayer

If the early stages of parenting have revealed anything it’s my inadequacy. On my own I cannot muster up enough patience, enough love, and enough wisdom to parent in a God-honoring fashion. I need help. The best place to go when in need is to the Lord, who is an all-knowing, ever-caring, and abundantly gra- cious Father who knows exactly what I need before I even speak. He knows my weaknesses and failures, yet loves me enough to provide through his Spirit the strength, wisdom, and guidance needed to parent in a way that glorifies him. So, every day we spend at least a few moments in prayer asking the Lord to give wisdom, to save our children, and to grant us godly and gracious attitudes as we shepherd our children.

People

One temptation that is felt in the earliest stages of parenting is to isolate oneself. If I’m being honest, my pride and fear of how others’ might judge our parenting abilities and practices has of- ten kept me from seeking the care and counsel of more mature, experienced Christian parents. Yet at the time of me writing this, Taylor and I have a mere year and a half of parenting under our belt. We are young, inexperienced and need help from our fel- low church members to parent well. Thus, we’re trying to seek help from other brothers and sisters - whether it be helpful tips and observations from new parents or wise and godly counsel from parents farther along in life than us.

Pages

Another way we are seeking to learn and grow in this ear- ly stage of parenting is through reading good books. First and foremost we have to be grounded in Scripture. After that, we are seeking to read biblically-based parenting books together so that we might better understand how Scripture calls us to parent. There are a myriad of books and opinions on how one should parent, discipline, and train their children, so it’s important we go to Scripture and those who have faithfully studied what it says about parenting. Currently, Taylor and I have been incredibly blessed as we read through Tedd Tripp’s Shepherding a Child’s Heart, and we’ve also just started reading Paul Tripp’s Parenting.

Practice

“Practice makes perfect” the old adage goes. So parenting practice makes perfect parenting, right? If only that were true! While we won’t ever be perfect parents, we can still practice. Whenever we can, we aim to put into practice the God-honor- ing parenting we are learning from the Word, good books, and our fellow church members. Though Ezra is young and has the attention span of the wily little monkey that he is, we try to take time and teach parts of the Gospel to him, explain why we disci- pline him, and pray with him. It helps him, but it helps us even more as we ingrain biblical patterns of parenting into our lives. Before we know it our kids will be transforming into adults, with our influence over them lasting a small percentage of their lives. We want to take  old of every moment we can to shepherd and teach them well.