Reflections on Parenting & Grandparenting: Priorities for the Journey
Reading God’s Word
I did not grow up in a Christian home. In fact Judy and I were married eight years before we came to know the Lord. By this time we had two boys, and we thought we had the perfect size family. When we came to know Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord, He changed our hearts and gave us two more children. As Christians, we now had a purpose for living, and God’s Word, to govern our living. For it says:
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your chil- dren, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise..” (Deuteronomy 6:4-7)
Reading God’s Word became a priority. It took me awhile be- fore this became a daily habit. Teaching our children the truth about God, attending church faithfully and giving to the Lord’s work became very important to us.
Our new relationship with Jesus Christ brought many new responsibilities, but we had God’s Word and we wanted that to be our guide. I was called to be the leader and Judy was my help-mate. It took many years to find my way as a spiritual leader and for Judy to find her way as a follower. In fact, we can tell you that we have not yet arrived! We learned to ask God for help often and how to apply His Word in our own lives and in the lives of our children. Here are some of the ways He led us.
Praying With and for Children and Grandchildren
We learned to pray with and for our children. They are all different, some more sensitive than others. Life was difficult for one of our sons, and Judy did not know how to interact with him. He would go off to school crying and she would be crying. God encouraged her to pray with him every morning in this way: 1) Thanking God for creating him before He ever created the world; 2) Thanking God for putting him in our family; and 3) Thanking God for creating him for a purpose. These prayers seemed to settle his heart in a way that nothing else did. We then started praying these prayers daily with all of our children.
Of course we prayed for many other things such as how to ef- fectively develop our children’s character, wisdom in discipline issues, and many special needs.
In our prayer book, we have a page for each grandchild with their picture and prayer requests on it. We try to update their pages with new pictures and requests once a year. As we update these pages, we remove each page and put it into a separate fold- er for each grandchild. In these folders we have included notes and pictures they have sent to us over the years. When the grand- children reach the age of 18, we give them their folder.
Teaching What We’re Taught
We knew we wanted to have devotions with our family, but I struggled in this. I always felt I did not have enough knowledge. At one point, after spending a month going through a study, I asked, “How did it go and what did you learn?” Without hesita- tion one of our sons responded, “Dad, that was the most boring thing I have ever heard!” Judy then encouraged me to just teach our children what I was learning as I read the Bible; to make it personal and not as though I was delivering a sermon. That was helpful to me.
Encouraging God-Honoring Interactions
On our way to church, I would ask everyone. “Who are you going to encourage today?” I would remind them it could not be their best friend. My goal was to train us all to reach out beyond our comfort zone and look out for the needs of others. On the way home everyone, including me, had to report on whom they encouraged.
We wanted our family to speak kindly to one another. When the children were not kind, they were required to write a verse of Scripture. The goal was for them to know what God says about their words and actions, not just what we, as parents, thought. Frequently Ephesians 4:29 (“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, that it may give grace to the hearer, according to the need of the moment.”) was the verse, but not always.
When our children were growing up, we spent our family va- cation at a Christian family camp. We sat under the teaching of God’s Word twice a day, and relaxed and played the rest of the day. In their teen years three of our children spent their sum- mers working at the camp.
“I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever...Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation will commend your works to an- other; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glori- ous splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works.” (Psalm 145:1, 3-5)
Modeling a Life That Follows Christ
One of my favorite bosses used to say, “Everything you do, ev- erything you say, sets a tone, sends a message.” If I want our chil- dren and grandchildren to love Christ and His church, I must model that in my life walk with Christ. I must get better at dying to self and better at living for Christ. Two of my “heroes” are Barnabus and Mordecai. Barnabus was known as an encourager (Acts 11:22-26), and Mordecai sought the welfare of his people and spoke peace to all his people (Esther 10:3).
Expressing Love, Encouraging Growth
I desire that my love for our children and grandchildren would be displayed in my verbal and physical affection for each of them.
I look for ways to encourage our grandchildren to grow spiritually. One year we were able to send our five oldest grandchil- dren to the Cross Conference which is centered on missions – either going or sending. We also look for age appropriate books to send to them and to read to them. It is our goal as well to end every phone call with our grandchildren with prayer.
I want our grandchildren to learn to be thankful in all things, so when they send me a written “thank you note” for a gift, I send them a “thank you note” for their “thank you note” and en- close a $2 bill.
Spending Quality Time
When our children were growing up, we spent our family va- cation at a Christian family camp. We sat under the teaching of God’s Word twice a day, and relaxed and played the rest of the day. In their teen years three of our children spent their sum- mers working at the camp.
We believe it is important to gather our family together at least once every two years. It is our number one priority to spend time together in worship and in God’s word as a group on a daily basis. We plan it out ahead of time. We also plan our day’s activities and meals so we know what to expect and who is responsible for each part. We have camped, rented a mountain cabin, gathered in our home (We painted the garage floor and the grandchildren slept in sleeping bags on the floor. They loved it!), been to an amusement park and served at Children’s Hunger Fund together. When we gather we make matching t-shirts. We put a verse of Scripture on the shirts. As the grandchildren have gotten older, some of them designed the t-shirts.
Remaining Thankful
It has been a great blessing to be a father and grandfather. Through trials and challenges, our family has brought great joy to my life. As I look backward and forward the second verse of a song resonates in my heart:
“My heart is filled with thankfulness
To Him who walks beside;
Who floods my weaknesses with strength And causes fears to fly;
Whose every promise is enough For every step I take,
Sustaining me with arms of love And crowning me with grace.”
