Lessons I Learned From My Mother
I still remember being about 12 years old when the cashier at the grocery store asked me “what do you want to be when you grow up?” to which I naturally, and even excitedly, responded “a wife and mom.” I did not expect the blank stare response I got from the cashier. Perhaps right then and there I began to real- ize just the tiniest glimpse of the gracious gift God had blessed me with; a mom who made being a wife and mom look like the most enjoyable, important and delightful role. The thought nev- er crossed my mind until that day that some people may think of it as “just” a wife and mom because I had seen how a woman who fears the Lord fulfills this significant role with so much pur- pose as she works to help her husband, care for the physical and emotional needs of her family, and make the home to be a place of peace and rest for the family to be – all to the glory of God!
The longer I’ve been married and the more I experience motherhood, the more I feel appreciation and admiration for my mom. I see that this role is not as easily fulfilled as my little 12 year old self thought it was! I got to watch mom joyfully do it each day, and by God’s grace, I pray that our children will now get to watch me joyfully fill this role of “wife and mom” for His glory. For the sake of this article, I’ll focus on three main ways I saw mom fulfill her role and some small ways those practically played out in the day to-day life of my family growing up that still impact me today.
She Helped Dad
This may seem a bit odd as the first principle to put here in a parenting article, but it is no mistake. Mom always put her role as “wife” before her role as “mom” and that is perhaps one of the best gifts she has given us kids; a mom we knew loved, respect- ed, and admired our Dad. This played out practically in a num- ber of ways, but one particular way that stands out was the way she used her words, or lack thereof, to help him. I still, to this day, cannot think of a single complaint to tell you that my mom has muttered about my dad. I can, on the other hand, give you a long list of things my mom loves about my dad, because she makes them known. Now, understand that yes, they both cer- tainly tease each other about the different ways they do things and have times when they have issues to discuss, but they are absolutely committed to being one another’s biggest encourag- ers. Therefore, they very intentionally took the time and care to privately and patiently work out those issues together.
Mom took Proverbs 31:11-12 seriously and sought to live it out in her words and actions, showing her desire to do good and not harm to my dad. Whether he was by her side or not, Dad knew she would not mutter a bad complaint against him. Dad’s heart could safely trust in her to honor him with her words and the im- pact that had on our family was beyond measure. This allowed Dad to excel in fulfilling his God-given role of husband and fa- ther. Wives, do not underestimate the powerful impact your sup- port, respect, and encouragement can have in helping your hus- band. Seek to be his biggest encourager; it is a role God has given specifically to you – don’t discount it. Be mindful of your words, whether that be holding back the complaint you were about to mutter or actually saying out loud that sweet thought you had toward your husband. As moms, be reminded that your kids are hearing and seeing it all and will be blessed by watching the hon- or, love and respect you show for your husband. I am so thankful for my mom’s commitment to helping my dad by upholding his honor in our household.
She Cared for Our Physical and Emotional Needs
A few things I did not think about until actually starting out as a wife and mom as an adult...dinner does not just appear each night at the table, laundry does not just clean itself and get back neatly folded in the drawers, and toilet paper does not just stay always supplied in the bathroom cabinets on its own....turns out the “magic fairy” who did all that was MOM! I never realized until tending to these daily “magic fairy” tasks, how repetitive they are. These are daily needs that must be addressed in or- der to keep people alive, and mom quietly and joyfully accom- plished them repetitively, day-in and day-out for years. Without realizing it, God was using my quiet and passive observance of mom fulfilling her role to build into me the eternal perspective of these seemingly mundane tasks actually being quite signif- icant, God-glorifying, and therefore a true joy to do. They are not meaningless. They are God-given and, therefore, I can and should enjoy them, and view them as a way that God allows His “grace to extend to more and more people’’ so that “it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God” (2 Cor. 4:15-18). This truth re- minds me that the physical needs being cared for also impact the emotional needs God has placed in my nurture and care in giving us precious little ones.
Some important things mom did to care for us emotionally: she always gave us the benefit of the doubt, she would ask us questions about our day, and spend endless hours listening to us talk about them. We knew she really liked us. We felt like she trusted us, which made us want to be trustworthy. She didn’t nit- pick our words or behavior (quick note for girl moms: mom tried to keep fashion finds fun together, making modest finds/tweaks a fun challenge that we enjoyed doing together and not a point of tension over trends between mom and daughter). She didn’t assume the worst or judge our motivations. Just as she honored my dad, she treated us with honor and respect. I never heard her say anything negative about us to other people. If ever there were issues at school or with my friends, I knew my parents would al- ways have my side and defend me. I think this kind of support helped us feel secure and comfortable in our own skin. What a gift that quiet trust was to us kids, having a trustworthy helper to love us when we knew we were less than lovely at the moment. A small glimpse of the greater trust I would later grow to have in Christ as my Savior who loves me beyond compare when I have done and can never do anything to deserve it.
Mom’s small acts of faithfulness in caring for both my physi- cal and emotional needs daily showed me I could trust her. This planted the seeds that God would later grow into an unwavering trust in His unfailing and perfect love and care for me. Moms, do not underestimate the significance of the many hours of physi- cal and emotional energy God is allowing you to pour out in ser- vice to your family. He knows how He is using it for His eternal purposes. Do those “magic fairy” tasks joyfully and trust Him to use it for your good and His glory!
She Made Our Home a Place of Peace and Rest
My mom didn’t have a sister until she was fifteen years old, and moved out to college when her little sister was just three, so she never really had siblings to play with. This led to the fre- quent reminder from her to all of us (myself, my 2 sisters and 1 brother) of how blessed we were to have siblings. We simply were not allowed to fight. We were not allowed to yell at each other or hold grudges.
When there was quarreling among us, we were not allowed to lock ourselves away in our room and ignore our siblings. Mom and Dad made us work it out and saw to it that forgiveness was sought out, given, and peace was restored. Our siblings were gifts from God, our best friends, and we were all on the same “Smith Family” team. This was huge in providing our whole family with a comfortable, welcoming ,restful, and peaceful home that we all enjoyed being in.
Our home really was a joyful place to grow up as peace was promoted and planned (Pr. 12:20). A few simple and practical ways I see that mom “planned peace” for our home: Family din- ners each night around the table together (and all the grocery budget, shopping, planning, cooking, cleaning and time man- agement that involves), keeping an orderly home (not saying it was perfectly tidy all the time, but an overall feeling of order that helped our home be a comfy, cozy, and restful place to be), celebrating big and little holidays, birthdays and family get to- gether in simple yet special ways (favorite meals made, birthday candles, and always ending our birthday meals with words of encouragement saying “what we love” to the birthday person). One last thing: our fun family vacations, enjoying the blessings of family and God’s beautiful creation around us to enjoy. Mom went with Dad’s lead, and planned and prepped and worked hard to make our three week camping (yes, you read that right, three weeks of camping) vacations happen each summer and we have so many fun memories because of that!
So, fellow moms, let’s take the time to plan peace for our fam- ilies and make our homes restful, enjoyable and joy-filled places for everyone to be together in. It is indeed hard work, but thank- fully, by God’s grace He will enable us to do that. He has placed you in this wife and mom role on purpose. I pray that this brief article leaves you feeling a little more equipped with some prac- tical ways to move forward in humbly serving your family, trust- ing God is using all the big and little moments to show His love to those he has entrusted to your care right now. Be encouraged to stay “steadfast, immovable and always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” (1 Cor. 15:58). I can tell you my mom’s labor was not in vain as I sit here and reflect on God’s goodness in the practical lessons learned as I grew up watching her, without even realizing the way God was using it for my good and His glory! Thanks, mom, and thank you LORD for your kindness in granting me such a mom.
