Fatherhood: How God The Father Shows Dads What To Do

Is it possible for a man who didn’t have a father to be a good father?

The answer, of course, is yes! God is gracious. Through Christ’s work, we are adopted by God and invited to call him “Our Fa- ther.” He is a father to the fatherless, and if men want to learn to be fathers to their own children, they have a portrait they can look at. It’s right there in holy Scripture. In order to be a father, we must get to know the Father. He is fatherhood in perfection.

Obviously, all of Scripture reveals God, and this short article cannot summarize everything the Father is. There are multi-vol- ume theological works for that. Here, we’ll simply observe one of the most stunning portraits of a father-son portrait in Scrip- ture: the baptism of Jesus in Mark 1:

“And when he came out of the water, immediately he saw the heavens being open and the Spirit descending upon him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven, ‘You are my beloved Son; with you I am well-pleased.” (Mark 1:10-11).

Douglas Wilson has pointed out five important truths about fatherhood from this text.1 Let’s take a look at them one by one.

Dad Is There

First, the Father was there. He is not an absentee dad. It was a big moment in Jesus’ life, and the Father ensures his son knows he’s there.

Fathers can’t escape the fact that they really matter. God de- signed it that way. They have a presence, which means that they cannot help but impact their children. Even the dad who runs away shapes his children - although not in the way he should. A potter needs to be near the clay to shape it, but a dad will shape his children wherever he is.

The good kind of shaping happens when fathers are present. We can start with a simple word for all fathers: stay. Stay with your wife. Stay with your kids. Stay with your family. By God’s grace, resolve to be present in their lives. You will not be perfect, but you must be present.

Dad Makes His Presence Felt

Second, he makes his presence felt by sending his Spirit to descend upon Jesus like a dove. He not only shows up, he wants his Son to feel his presence.

Fathers must be near, and they must make their nearness pal- pable. They ought to hug, wrestle, hold hands, pat on the back, and wipe away tears. They can play horsey or give airplane rides. Their lap is free parking.

They’re also present in loving discipline. A father’s hand will correct, his eyes will teach, his arms will embrace. Things are different when daddy’s home, and that’s good.

Dad Speaks

Third, he makes his presence known by speaking to him. Fa- thers must not be silent. Fatherhood is verbal.

God’s Words given to us in Scripture make sense of the world for us, and fathers have the same responsibility with their chil- dren. They don’t need to be loquacious. What they do need is to realize that their children are, from birth, interpreting the world around them. They’re trying to make sense of it. A father must bring clarity, direction, and coherence to the world. His teaching cannot be relegated to five minutes after dinner or a prayer be- fore bed. His words are the winds that blow the fog away. When dad speaks, reality should come into focus.

This is why fathers’ words need to be shaped by the Father’s Word. So that when they speak, they are bringing light, not smoke. Clarity, not confusion.

My dad had some sayings that stuck with me. As a kid, some of them confused me (“Sometimes you eat the bear, and some- times the bear eats you.”), others were like arrows lodged in my mind that stuck there until adulthood. I remember when he said, “Show up on time and work hard, and you’ll be ahead of half the workforce.” Or, when I set my hopes on playing in the NBA, he said “The ones who make it to that level practice every day and have a ball with them wherever they go.” The moments were insignificant, but they left an impression on me: hard work is essential to living a good life.

That’s a small example of the power of a father’s voice. Let’s speak up. Speak about God’s glory. Speak about life and work and suffering and joy. Saturate your words with God’s Word and then speak.

Dad Expresses Love

Fourth, the Father expresses his love for his Son. There was a generation of fathers who didn’t know how to tell their kids how much they loved them. Let us not be that way: the Father said, “This is my beloved son.”

God is love, and he says so again and again in his word. His heart is fit to burst with love. He has chosen to love us for all eternity, and gave his son to secure our redemption so that he could continue to lavish his love on us forever. Fatherhood loves.

And just as the Father’s love was expressed in words and ac- tions, so should a father’s love. Never hold back an “I love you.” Let them spill out with embarrassing regularity. The dad who doesn’t regularly express love with words and actions sends his children on a quest to earn their father’s approval.

Ed Moore writes:

“I’ve heard guys blame their bad dad for their being a bad dad. But I say that’s hogwash. My dad had no idea how to be a dad. All he knew was that he loved his kids, and he said it all the time. He said, ‘I love you. I’m thankful to be your dad. I’m proud of you.’ Every night before I went to sleep, he would put his hand on my head, he would kiss me, and he would tell me he loved me. He said everything that needed to be said every single day.”

The kids may roll their eyes when they’re young, but when they’re sixteen and facing peer pressure, nineteen and making life-altering decisions, or fifty and watching you breathe your last breaths, you’re going to want them to know that you loved them with all your might.

Dad Takes Pleasure

And last, the Father took pleasure in his son. He says, “In whom I am well-pleased.”

Children are a gift, and fathers need to appreciate the gifts the Father gives them. Fathers don’t say a plastic “thank you” as they unwrap the present, while slyly eyeing whether a return receipt was included. They understand that God shaped and fashioned this child, this son, this daughter - perfectly for them. The child a father receives is his child, handcrafted for his enjoyment and sanctification. It is a good gift. And there are no return receipts.

A son will sense whether his father delights in him or merely tolerates him. A daughter can tell if dad thinks she’s a burden or a joy. Some parents are baffled that their kids can’t wait to move out when they’re eighteen after they’ve treated them as an inter- ruption for seventeen.

I think one of the ways dads do this is by ensuring he makes great memories with his kids. Those memories are like lasting notes that say, “I really enjoy you.” My dad always took us on va- cation. When money was tight, when life was busy, when things were rough - it didn’t matter - every summer we’d hit the road and drive up to Yosemite. I could tell my dad loved spending time with the family. We felt loved.

Make sure your children hear you take pleasure in them. Tell them when you’re proud of them. Be at the game and cheer loud. When they fail, look them in the eye and remind them that you’re always for them. Make memories and capture moments - so that your kids look back and think, “Yes, he to d us that he loved us, but more than that, we felt loved by him.”