Mothering: Encouragement for the Weary Mother
Dear Younger Me,
You are tired. You’ve actually had to make a rule that you won’t use the word “tired” because you don’t want your children to only remember that you were always so t----. You blow it regularly. Your priorities seem often out of whack and you see your failings much more clearly than you see God’s grace flowing through you to your family. Be encouraged. Not only are God’s priceless mercies new every morning, but you are loved completely and fully by your Creator, and your performance as a mom and wife (on the good days or bad days!) doesn’t change that.
God has given you the incredible gift of being a mom. Your husband likes to remind you that you are “living your dream!” On certain days and in particular moments, it doesn’t always feel like a gift – more like an inconvenience and even a burden. In those times and in those situations, here’s a little perspec- tive from your older self who is still learning and growing, but has benefited from additional time, wisdom, and the relentless grace of God.
Being Tired Is Normal
It’s kind of what you signed up for. Fundamentally, parenting means laying down your life for your kids. The “easier” phase of parenting is non-existent. At times, you may marvel at the lack of appreciation your family shows for you. Death to self is never easy, but it’s what God calls you to. “For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve.” (Mark 10:45) When you surrender to Him, He gives power to the faint and to him who has no might he increases strength. (Isaiah 40:29) He also increases your joy in serving Him as you serve them.
Your Routine Is a Great Servant, but a Terrible Master
It’s good to have a plan, to have structure, to be intentional about how to spend your days with the kids. There are lots of benefits to a tidy home. But sometimes, you need to stop hold- ing those things so tightly. God often brings interruptions (i.e., children and their mess) into your life in ways that you wouldn’t choose and times that you don’t prefer. If comfort is your idol, you won’t see these interruptions as a good thing. You’ll angrily see them as an impediment to your agenda and your happiness. Strive, by faith, to see God’s good and loving design in the inter- ruptions of life. Seek first HIS kingdom (Matthew 6:33) and not your own. Surrender when your days take a different path than you planned.
Embrace the Process of Change in the Kids’ Lives
It’s right to want your kids to trust Christ and live for His glo- ry, but this doesn’t always happen in the way or the time frame that you desire. Be faithful to do your part to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, but trust God with the process. Rather than wanting so desperately to change them and force them into being the people that you want them to be, ask God for grace to be truly thankful in order to appreciate the people that God created them to be. Embrace the fact that you’re not sovereign! Enjoy the kids, celebrate little victories, let the kids know you’re so thankful for them, laugh a lot, and rejoice in the Lord! (Philippians 4:4) Don’t let the length of the process steal your joy or diminish your faith in our good, wise, and lov- ing Heavenly Father.
Ask For Help
This parenting thing is really hard. And I’m more convinced than ever that God designed it that way so that we would see our need for help and humbly and regularly ask. First, run to Him! Your “help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:2) When you lack wisdom, He gives it “generously.” (James 1:5) He is strong and kind and His “power is made per- fect in your weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Second, lean into the body of Christ. Your brothers and sisters want to pray for you, provide practical help for you, offer counsel, and bear your bur- dens. Don’t be too proud to ask or receive the help you need.
In Seeking To Help Your Kids, Don’t Forget To Examine Your Own Heart
When you see your kids as the main problem, you’ll be self-righteous and angry when you discipline. When you for- get your own need for a Savior, you’ll see their sin as primar- ily against you. When you’re idolizing your agenda, you’ll be less concerned for their heart and just want them to stop being naughty or childish simply to make your life easier. So look often at Christ. Preach the gospel to yourself every day. Live a life of daily repentance and faith. Be humbled again and again at His amazing, undeserved grace in your life. When you live from that perspective, you’ll be better equipped to lovingly and compas- sionately point them to their need of the Savior.
Be Faithful And Trust The Lord With The Results
Deuteronomy 6:7 commands you to teach your children “dili- gently.” Be faithful to do it! “When you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” But don’t forget the instructions in the previous verses: fear the Lord your God, keep all his commandments, and love the Lord your God. The old saying that “more is caught than taught” is true. By the grace of God, take care that your life matches your words and reinforces the truths of the gospel. So give grace to yourself and the little people in your life! And pray, pray, and pray some more for God to do the work that only He can do.
I recently read an article that said, “Parent like you can save your children and pray like you can’t!” Younger me, that’s great advice. Be faithful, trust the Lord, admit your weaknesses, pray like crazy, and may your daily joy in Jesus grow stronger each day! They really do grow up so fast…
